Featurette #5: “So… We’re Making Our Own Presents Now?”
Narrator: Mark
We had a company-wide budget meeting.
First cut: no more paper towels in the bathroom. We’re “air-drying in solidarity.”
Then they took away the fridge… said it was “promoting perishable privilege.”
Our Zoom license expired mid-meeting, so the last half was done on speakerphone… from someone’s Apple Watch.
Computer Support has been merged with Accounting. All support tickets now go through a guy named Alan who “used to be good with printers.”
And then they announce the holiday party is still happening — just “reimagined.”
It’ll be held in the break room.
Potluck-style.
With a “gift exchange rooted in shared values and individual expression.”
And I’m just sitting there thinking…
So… what? We have to make our own presents now?
Cool. I’ll give everyone a fork I whittled from my desk leg.
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